I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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