Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You ruined the universe
Randomize
