Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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