I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
