This is not my ceiling
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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