I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
