Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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