Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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