nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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