I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
