I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
