You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I pour the whiskey from now on
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
