how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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