Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
