Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
