capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
