Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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