I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
