we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
