She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
