This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
