I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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