Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
