mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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