i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
