eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize