I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
