her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
