if you like me you must not know who I am
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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