so that wasnt chicken after all
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
