just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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