is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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