I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.