Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.