No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
