i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.