new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
