so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic