i was born a porn star she said
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.