I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
