at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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