Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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