If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
