Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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