God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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