she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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