Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize