it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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