i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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