I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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