Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
