he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
