I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
