Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we should paint friendship bongs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
