Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
