Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
