dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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