once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How's work?
Spinning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
