It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
