shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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