yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
