think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
