mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
