Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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