i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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