It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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