nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
