I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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