dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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