The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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