So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This house was built for laser tag.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
