Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Rumble strips road head = magical
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
