I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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