I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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