I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
