I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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