I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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